Now it gets good...

"Yet, there is one man behind everything. One man heads it all. The one man behind all of the bad things that happen in this world, from starving children in Zimbabwe, to weapons of mass destruction, to SARS, to your pet hamster Sparky being killed in a freak blender accident. George W. Bush. That’s right. It was his blender. The 42^nd president of the United States is an omnipotent overlord pulling global strings like some five year old putting on a marionette show for his parents in the backyard of some suburban, homogenous, nowhere land with a Best Buy on every corner and the ever-popular Quizno’s, Coldstone, Panda Express strip mall combination. No fries. Thanks anyways. I’m on a diet."

Chuck!

Chuck (Palahnuik) signs my book in Santa Monica!

KROQ Weenie Roast

So the Weenie Roast was frikkin awesome last Saturday. Except for Motley Crue. I was really looking forward to seeing them and they sounded like crap. The other bands were great: Killers, Interpol, MXPX, The Alkaline Trio, Audioslave...the highlight of the show had to be when Chris Cornell played an acoustic version of Black Hole Sun by himself. Frikkin awesome. Audioslave also did a couple of Rage songs...Killing in the Name Of...and a vocal-less Bulls on Parade...all in all it was a great show.

Getting high on paranoia...

"Everybody’s paranoid. Paranoia heightens the senses. All of us like Superman getting our power from paranoia. Or like some crack addict giving hand jobs for just one more hit. One more hit man. I need to feed the paranoia. You ever been high on paranoia? It’s a trip! What? The truth? Naahhh it’s easier just to believe the conspiracy. Research, work, effort? Our Kryptonite. Our rehab. Our salvation."

Continuing the adventure...

"But it goes deeper than that. Want to hear a secret? Lean closer, there is a conspiracy conspiracy. SHHHHH not too loud, they’re reading this right now with satellites that can penetrate the roof of a building and clearly identify objects smaller than a penny. The only way to hide is to wrap tin foil on your head and turn Foghat to full volume. Feds can’t stand Foghat. A conspiracy conspiracy. That’s right folks. Think about it. It makes perfect sense. A conspiracy to get everyone to believe in conspiracies."

Testes...One...Two...Three...

Just testing this email posting thing. Hope it works. Enjoy!

...just like everybody else

As promised, better late than never, the second paragraph of my diatribe, The Conspiracy Conspiracy...

"There must be a mastermind. There must be some secret plot. A bunch of old white men sit behind closed doors in super secret corporate boardrooms plotting to take advantage of the latest disaster, disease, decrepit decaying vestige of society. Such is the belief. Area 51, Roswell, ECHELON, Aliens, CIA-crack connection, the Bildebergers, the harbingers of evil that are the Masons, Skull and Bones, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the CIA, NSA, NATO, the Illuminati, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. "

Guess who gets to go to the KROQ Weenie Roast this weekend? Yeah, that's right, me. Motley Crue, The Killers, Interpol, Audioslave, The Alkaline Trio, etc. Should be good times.

Trying to do something different...

I didn't want this to turn into another, "This is my day and it sucks and I didn't do anything, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" blog. Everybody's day seems to be the same. But when I think about it, that's all a lot of people have to write about.

Here's a taste of a short diatribe I've been working on called The Conspiracy Conspiracy...

"Whenever something happens in the world that gets 24/7 CNN-style news coverage, conspiracies proliferate like some female spider laying baskets of eggs beneath the skin of some poor soul, just waiting for the right time to burst out into the open air. Rebirth! Thousands of spider-like organism travel along currents from town to town. Just like the drek that travels along the information superhighway and into your living room/computer room/office/\whatever. Waiting to gouge out your eyes and turn your brain into mush. It all had to start somewhere..."

I've decided to post a paragraph each day in order to keep you all interested (all zero of you). So stop by tomorrow for more.